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The John Rocker Songbook

Two John Rocker songs grace this page. Click here to go to the second song.

Stupid Man
(to the tune of Rambling Man)

Click below for music to accompany you
<A HREF="Midi/Ramblinman.mid"> Link to sound file</A>

Information about the songs

Lord, I was born a stupid man
Making foolish statements and insulting New York fans
And folks who speak a language that I don't understand
I was born a stupid man.

My father taught me baseball down in Georgia.
He never taught me how to be a man.
I never learned how to shut my mouth
And now the spit has hit the fan.

Lord, I was born a stupid man
Making foolish statements and insulting New York fans
And folks who speak a language that I don't understand
I was born a stupid man.

I woke up very early Christmas morning
And found no presents 'neath my Christmas tree
I reached into my stocking for a lump of coal
The only thing that Santa left for me.

Lord, I was born a stupid man
Making foolish statements and insulting New York fans
And folks who speak a language that I don't understand
I was born a stupid man.

When I come from the bullpen in Chicago
Or LA, Houston, Pittsburgh, Milwaukee
Folks in the bleachers gonna call me names.
I guess them people don't think much of me

Lord, I was born a stupid man
Making foolish statements and insulting New York fans
And folks who speak a language that I don't understand
I was born a stupid man.

Repeat and fade:
Lord, I was born a stupid man


Click here to go to the first song.

Rocker is a No-Good Bum
(to the tune of Papa Was a Rolling Stone)

Click below for music to accompany you
<A HREF="Midi/PapaWasARollingStone.mid"> Link to sound file</A>

Information about the songs

It was a day in December
A day I'll always remember
Because that was the day that SI arrived.
I barely got a chance to read it.
Couldn't think of nothing but bad things about him
Smoltzie, I'm depending on you to tell me the truth

Smoltzie just hung his head and said:
Rocker is a no-good bum
Whatever comes from his mouth is dumb
And when he speaks, everyone knows that he's pond scum (Begin clapping)

Rocker is a no-good bum (my friend, yeah)
Whatever comes from his mouth is dumb
And when he speaks, everyone knows that he's pond scum

Hey, Smoltzie
Is it true what they said that Rocker never used his brain in his life
And Smoltzie, some bad talk goin' around town that Rocker's as sharp as a butter knife (and that ain't bright)
Heard some talk about Rocker doin' some racist preaching
Talking about purple hair on trains that go screeching
Jabbering trash, and badmouthing folks different from him

Smoltzie just hung his head and said:
Rocker is a no-good bum (my friend)
Whatever comes from his mouth is dumb
And when he speaks, everyone knows that he's pond scum (Begin clapping)

Rocker is a no-good bum (dad gummit)
Whatever comes from his mouth is dumb
And when he speaks, everyone knows that he's pond scum

Hey Smoltzie
I heard Rocker's been called a jerk of all trades
Tell me will than make Rocker cease to be a Brave.
Folks said Rocker would shoot off his mouth, and leave no doubt

Hey Smoltzie
Folks said Rocker was never much on thinking
Spent most of his time cussing women and drinking
Smoltzie, I'm depending on you to tell me the truth

Smoltzie looked up at the stands and said:
Rocker is a no-good bum (well, well, well)
Whatever comes from his mouth is dumb
And when he speaks, everyone knows that he's pond scum

Rocker is a no-good bum
Whatever comes from his mouth is dumb
And when he speaks, everyone knows that he's pond scum

I said (Begin clapping)
Rocker is a no-good bum
Whatever comes from his mouth is dumb
And when he speaks, everyone knows that he's pond scum


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December 26, 1999: Shortly before the last Christmas of the millennium, John Rocker shot his mouth off in a national magazine. I wrote two songs to commemorate this event. The Allman Brothers and the Temptations contributed their talents to make light of the disgrace that Rocker brought to himself, his team, and his sport.

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