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In a little while from now
When I call a fair ball foul
I promise myself to eject a coach
For calling me a cow
He'll leave the field in a snit
The player will throw a fit
The other men in blue will say toodle-oo
And leave me out there stewing
Left standing on my own
All alone with people booing
Oh my, oh me, he cannot see
No matter who he's screwing
The fans they yell at me
So I guess I must be
Pallone again, naturally.
To think that only yesterday
Nobody knew I was gay
And I was an ump who enjoyed a rump
Even after I missed a play
But as if to knock me down
Reality comes around
While the players scream from every team
And leave my mind in tatters
Hearing from the fans
In the stands how they detest me
And then the vice cops come around
With a warrant to arrest me
They told me that they heard
My umpiring was absurd
Pallone again, naturally
It seems to me that there are umps with more ability
That weren’t hired
Or they got fired
What do we do
What do we do
Looking back over the years
And whatever else appears
The pitcher that squawked when I called a balk
I had to close my ears
And as I’m growing old
Giamatti, rest his soul
Couldn't understand why another man
Was really what I wanted
Leaving him with thoughts
That the courts would find me guilty
Despite the fact it wasn’t proved
Out of the sport, he kicked me
No longer in the game
I surely must remain
Pallone again naturally
Pallone again... naturally
January 12, 2001: This song was written as a result of a cyberspace discussion about several baseball topics, including the umpiring skills or lack thereof, and other aspects of the life of former umpire Dave Pallone. The suggestion to write the song came from one of the participants in the discussion (Thanks, Rich. I think!). Anyway, it is only fitting that the man who was one of the worst umpires in the last 50 years should be immortalized by one of the worst songs of the same era.