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The Karim Garcia Songbook

Two songs about Karim Garcia's recent actvities grace this page. My friend Sylvia wrote the first song. Click here to go to the second song.

Water the Front Yard
(to the tune of Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard)

Click below for music to accompany you
<A HREF="Midi/Julio.mid"> Link to sound file</A>

Information about the songs

(Instrumental introduction)

The hummer got started full speed ahead
Pizza guy called the police station
When Wilpon found out he began to shout
"Duquette, start the investigation!"

It's against the law
It was against the law
What the witness saw
It was against the law.

Karim looked down and watered the ground
Shane Spencer's name gets mentioned
Fred Wilpon said, "Oy, he's such a bad boy
I'm gonna fine him with an intervention."

Well, Karim might stay
Shane don't know where's he's going
Karim might stay
He's holding it in
When he plays right field
When he drinks too many Coronas
See Karim Garcia water the front yard
See Karim Garcia water the front yard

(Instrumental interlude complete with whistling)

In a typical way, the team says it's OK
But the press said Karim did leak
Pizza guy claimed assault
But the cops said no fault
Dominating the news for a whole week

And Karim might stay
Shane don't know where's he's going
Karim might stay
He's holding it in
When he plays right field
When he drinks too many Coronas
See Karim Garcia water the front yard
See Karim Garcia water the front yard
See Karim Garcia water the front yard
(Long instumental ending)


Click here to go to the first song.

Fifty Ways to Clear Your Bladder
(to the tune of Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover)

Information about the songs

(Drum solo followed by other instuments)

Karim said "Shane, my friend, I really need to pee"
Shane told him "Please don't solve your problem drastically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to clear your bladder."

Shane said "It's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself since your plan is mighty crude
There must be fifty ways to clear your bladder
Fifty ways to clear your bladder

You just sneak out the back, Jack
Go into the shrubs, Bub
You just unzip your fly, Guy
Just let yourself pee
Just head for the street, Pete
You don't need to think, Meat
Just find the next tree, Lee
And let yourself pee

Ooh, sneak out the back, Jack
Go into the shrubs, Bub
You just unzip your fly, Guy
Just listen to me
Just head for the street, Pete
You don't need to think, Meat
Just find the next tree, Lee
And let yourself pee

Shane said "It grieves me so to see you in such pain
But I know when you find relief you're sure to smile again"
Karim said "Thanks a lot, and would you please explain
About the fifty ways"

Shane said "Why don't you go and do it in the night
But try to find yourself a spot that doesn't have much light"
And then Karim when out and gave the pizza boy a sight
There must be fifty ways to clear your bladder
Fifty ways to clear your bladder

You just sneak out the back, Jack
Go into the shrubs, Bub
You just unzip your fly, Guy
Just let yourself pee
Just head for the street, Pete
You don't need to think, Meat
Just find the next tree, Lee
And let yourself pee

Sneak out the back, Jack
Go into the shrubs, Bub
You just unzip your fly, Guy
You just listen to me
Just head for the street, Pete
You don't need to think, Meat
Just find the next tree, Lee
And let yourself pee

(Drum solo to fade out)


Back to first song

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Comments?

March 13, 2004: The 2004 Spring Training brought former Yankees Karim Garcia and Shane Spencer to the Mets. One evening they were involved in an incident which included public urination by Garcia and an alleged assault on a young man who works in a Port St. Lucie pizza parlor. My friend Sylvia and I each found an appropriate Paul Simon tune to modify to commemorate this sorry incident.

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